Interview with Bjork

When come back bring pie. Weebl is going to be on MTV.

The Friday Five is a bit uninspiring so I can't be arsed. Bluetitch, however is never short of five (million) pointless questions, so I will have a go at hers. She should set herself up as an alternative Friday Five. The old dear seems to be in a bit of a bad mood, there is something of a hate motif going on.

1)What food do you hate?
The simple answer is semolina, but that would only really refer to the stuff we were served up in Holy Souls all those years ago. I made it fairly regularly for all the nippers when they were just starting to come off the tit, and it was ok; I couldn't have eaten a bowl of it though. Also it is good as part of a bread mixture, gives a very nice texture. Also I don't have to eat it if I don't want to, so really it represents a memory of a food I once hated, rather than a food I actually hate.
The real answer is mass produced, factory farmed crap which gets served up in our pubs and cafes as food, when it is anything but. It is very easy to knock out a simple, cheap and edible meal or snack: go to any run down bar in France or Spain if you don't believe me.
In the UK quality is an alien concept and "value" is all. The trouble is, its a queer concept of value which concentrates on knocking out the the cheapest tat at the cheapest price, no matter what the cost to the animal or environment. Not to mention our long term health, or the fact it tastes of nothing. I hate all British food as it is served up outside my house I suppose.
2)What habit do you have that you hate but can't stop?
oo er Mrs, you really don't want to know.
3)What "fashion" item of any decade do you hate?
Well, it used to be shell suits or any other type of leisure wear. It was a completely value laden stance because really I despised what the clothing represented, rather than the clothes themselves, so I was despising my own class. Mind you there is no shame in that, there is much to despise. So I hate any item of clothing which is ill advisedly worn by fat bastards who waddle around the place with no regard either to their own dignity or the delicate sensibilities of more sophisticated souls. I hate the current penchant for brazen displays of belly buttons and arse cracks too.
4)Apart from going to work, name 1 other thing that you hate having to do.
This is really difficult. Everything I hate, truly despise, centres around work. Just the mere act of looking at my bosses miserable face, for instance, fills me with fear and loathing. One or two of my colleagues, well, just one really, sends me into a murderous rage every time I hear her whiny voice. My department generally, I loathe, with a passion. Pillocks in suits, I could happily kill. Consultants? don't get me chuffin started. I could go on, endlessly. So there is not much room for hate elswhere. I nearly said I hate having to rush around like a blue arsed fly in the mornings getting the eldest to school and arriving late at work only to be looked at as if I am John Gregory. But that is work related. I don't start late either, I have negotiated my own idiosyncratic hours, the old cowbag still makes me feel like something the cat has dragged in though.
What I really hate I suppose is something I have had to do only once, and I have only just thought of it, even though it was something I did recently: take a CD back. I feel let down by myself, for not understanding what the artist was trying to communicate and giving up, and I hate the artist for putting me through hoops. I hate the child behind the counter for smirking . I hate that The Polyphonic Spree put out such a steaming pile of poo that after about a thousand music purchases I was, for the first time, driven to returning something. But that's a small thing.
5)What sport do you hate watching (or having to watch) the most?
Begging Bluetitchs pardon, but no one is forced to watch a sport. Grand Prix is about the most irritating. A sport for nobs for one thing. Then you watch a car go around in a circle, followed by about 20 others. Then they all do it again about 50 chuffin times. Pointless. And very noisy. At least you can slumber through dressage of a Sunday afternoon.

Bugger it, enough half price Sainsburys Frascati has been sunk, I will do the other bugger. Its all about Halloween, which is a bit of an alien concept to old gits like me. No pun intended.
1. What is your favorite scary movie?
As a genre, scary movies are not my cup of tea, so I should say anything with Rob Lowe in it. The last scary movie I saw was Roadkill. This had good reviews everywhere and was directed by John Dahl (thommasson?). Well Dahl made a good reputation for himself with The Last Seduction , Red Rock West, and Kill Me Again, which, while not astonishing, were high class pieces of work. This roadkill was supposed to represent a major return for Dahl and a classic of the genre. It was shit, there is nothing else to say. If that's the best the genre has to offer the genre is dead.
Thrillers can scare me, I saw one on the box recently that had my stomach knotted from beginning to end, I can't remember what it was though. I suppose the only film I have seen that still gives me the heebie Jeebies is the Birds. I still burst out crying every time I hear a Flock of Seagulls.
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
No Halloween would be a treat. Seriously. In my neck of the woods it is no more than an excuse for little and not so little hooligans to behave like hooligans. Me and my neighbours are wiping egg off our windows for weeks, and the little sods don't even knock on thee door first. It is legitimised vandalism. I am serious here, having gangs of teenagers wantonly chuck crap at your windows is frightenining for the nippers; my nippers shit themselves and it's hard enough getting them to sleep in their own beds as it is. Not to mention the elderly, the bothered and the bewildered who have no clue what is going on anyway. Fucking poxy new ritual if you ask me.
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
Big Boots, all the better to kick the little bastards up the arse.
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
The only place I know with a ghostly, other worldly presence is Villa Park, and I aint going anywhere near there
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
Yes. In boots and Burberry.

The best link of the week, on this blog anyway, has been Flavios Beth Gibbons thing. I forgot to mention he is a Blues fan. Not as young as Young Ron, who does the match reports, but young. The rapidly becoming famous Bluetitch is also a Blues Fan, in case I have omitted to mention that pertinent fact in the past. Anyway, courtesy of Flavio once again... Rugs. You just don't get such erudition from Villa fans.

Ode to a Balti Pie, by my brother, another Blues fan. Sometimes you are so filled with pride, words are superfluous.