Friday, November 22, 2002

I have had an enormous git of a day at work, characterised by dealing with gits of varying quality. Most of the morning was spent in the police station, but that was the fun part so I won't dwell on that. The afternoon was unremitting; it was as though someone had announced this is world "Be a Git Day". And it was all so petty and unneccessary. I ended up shouting at some silly git, which is unlike me, but I was sorely provoked, your honour. She has a habit of bursting into tears so I hope I managed this, then the day won't have been a complete waste. Some other git, who was very rude on the phone, actually had the gall to phone and complain about me! Jeez.
Anyway I was still at it way past home time and was fuming all around Sainsburys and driving home. Fucking mad as hell I was. Poor old Mrs Buddha had been forewarned because she had phoned mid afteroon and knew everything had gone tits up. She had ensured a nice white was chilling when I got home, then listened patiently while I ranted on about the gits I have to put up with. Mid rant, middle cherub, who is 3 just came up and planted one on my cheek. To say all the stress and angst went away would be overstating the case, but it was a melting moment.

My brother, who is an idiot, has always insisted there is money to be made by marketing a device which removes hair from around ladies delicate parts (down there you know) and calling it a quim trim. Well you can get a bone clone and a snatch match so why not?

Unbelieveable. Chuffin unbelievable. As I sat here typing I became aware of several loud bangs. Thinking it was nippers with fireworks I ignored it, but they continued and seemed to be someone banging our back fence. So off I trotted. As soon as I opened the back kitchen door the cats shot in, terrified, and it became apparent there was a fire going on. Not unusual, we abut woods, public housing and a park. But it seemed a bit closer and there were monstrous bangs. Off I went upstairs for a better view. There is a chuffing car, ablaze, on a footpath, about ten yards from our fence. There is a blue light flashing some distance away and there are three yellow luminous jackets in close attendance.
Fuckin horrible little gits. When I tell people where I live they say oo er thats a bit posh innit. They don't know the chuffin half of it. The local intelligentsia have gathered now and are clearly loving it, mind you so are my nippers.
I hate theses little fuckers around here. And their thick parents.
Anyone wanna buy a house?

Shamingly, I empathise with this guy. Perhaps if I wasn't such a repressed piddler, I wouldn't have to live in such a shit hole.

The Friday Five dudes seem to have desrted their public, but it doesn't matter, because we have the fragrant Bluetitch!
1/ What is the most romantic thing you've ever done?
She likes to keep it simple old Bluetitch. I am a romantic soul every minute of every day, I don't go in for grand or empty gestures, no one will ever get a Valentines card from me. I do nothing without thinking how it will impact upon Mrs Buddha, I think of her constantly. Planning a menu I think what will she like, shopping, what will she like, buying a book, will Mrs Buddha like it?, no? lets find one for her. I love her, effortlessly, pitilessly, every waking minute, thats as romantic as I get.
2/ What is the most romantic thing that someone has done for/to you?
As above really. I find kindred spirits who don't bother with romance per se, but simply live it. Mrs Buddha loves me, puts up with me, that is very romantic. She put up with when I went through a very bad time and was drinking like a bastard, nothing is more romantic than that. She believes in me. Once when we barely knew each other I decided, like a prick, to act like a fool and tell her to fuck off. She followed me into the gents and basically refused to let it die. Now look at us. Romance, living and breathing it.
3/ What is the most romantic piece of music you've ever heard?
Another impossible to answer question, with it all depending on context and mood. In the context of loving Mrs Buddha and at this particular moment, it is "Whole Wide World " by Wreckless Eric. When we "courted" she had never heard that but I loved it and Eric, so we would blast it out, whatever time we got in, usually about 7 am. I may or may not have been divorced at the time. For me to meet someone like Mrs Buddha, and get to grips, really was like meeting a broad from Tahiti, unimaginable.
4/ What is the most romantic film you've ever seen?
Finally, an easy one. Cyrano de Bergerac, without a shadow of a doubt.
5/ What is the most romantic thing you'd like to do but haven't?
Walk the entire length of the Pembrokeshire coastal path. Just me and Mrs Buddha. Find perfect pubs in magical settings and fall asleep wrapped in each others arms, in big comfortable beds with cool cotton sheets, exhausted.

Good article on war photographer Jame Nachtwey. Quite depressing.
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