Monday, December 30, 2002

A brief history of the glory hunting football fan.

I know the US is emarked upon a war against terror, not a war to inculcate civilised standards of prisoners rights but bugger me it is hard to defend torture.

The U.S is distributing free literature to its troops. Well free books can't be a bad thing, wonder if Chomsky will get on the list.

It may have escaped your notice but the world championship of darts is on, which can only mean one thing: Sid Waddell. The doyen of sports broadcasting gives great interview; I defy anyone to read his account of Fred Trueman trying to read an autocue and not piss themselves. Of course you would have to be aware of who Fred is for full impact but it's funny anyway.

I never thought I would ever set foot in Pizza Hut, but there you go, your perspective changes a bit when you have kids. They have just opened a new one in Cwmbran and believe me, in Cwmbran a Pizza Hut is the height of sophistication. I had noticed walking past the other day that they were offering 2 free kids meals if you bought an adult pizza, and as Mrs Buddha had gone back to work today and the nippers were fed up, off we trotted.
2 kids and an adult menu arrived and we ordered. While waiting I started idly reading the literature lying about, including the small print on the offer. 2 free kids meals with every medium or large pizza. Oh well, cest la vie, when asked what size I wanted I asked for the options and was told individual, double or triple, being as there was only me I asked for an individual, which of course is small.
Now if I was a dopey waitress with many spots I think I might have pointed out to myself that I was diddling myself; by ordering a larger pizza I would save myself about 9 quid. That's what I would have done, but our waitress was too dopey and spotty to care. She was also too dopey to give the nippers some crayons and colouring books to keep them occupied during what turned out to be a very long wait, neither did she give them their toys (poxy as they are nippers like theses things). She was also too dopey to tell me that an individual sized pizza was ok for an individual cat but not a fat article like me. 18 chuffin quid, nine of them uneccessary, and I came out starving! Kids loved it though.
To cap it all, taking the daughter to the toilet I was stopped by a waitress and asked if I was Fat Buddha. Yep said I, Mrs Buddha is on the phone she said needing to speak to you. She had broke down on way home from work. Cam belt gone. This on top of my cars misfortunes. It has been a very, very expensive couple of weeks one way or another and we ain't paid again until the end of January.
And the the two youngest have this very evening exhibited vivid signs of having caught nipper number ones chicken pox. Happy bleedin new year. I feel like Tony Hancock.
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